29.11.20

FLUID



         



I have never thought too much about my gender. I have always followed the Male distinction, He/His pronouns. It never dawned on me that there was an 'other'. It was either boy or girl, and I wasn’t a girl. Growing up with older sisters, and having mostly girls as friends I was always in touch with my feminine side. From Barbie to Britney, Shopping over Sports; it never bothered me. I never felt like I was missing out. Even when shopping if I were with a group of girlfriends I’d get misgendered and called Miss or Girl, which to my friends seemed funny, but honestly, it didn’t affect me. I was more concerned that once they knew I was a guy they would feel awkward.


I express myself best through visuals. Through what I wear or how my hair looks, I’m my own canvas. Through the years I started experimenting with everything, nothing was off-limits. I remember being considered rebellious and taboo for wanting to wear wedges, skinny jeans or skirts. The thing was it wasn’t that I wanted to dress ‘like a girl’, rather I wanted to dress in things I felt made me feel good. When I wear a suit or chino pants and a shirt I feel nothing. I don’t feel empowered, I feel like an imposter. But give me a kilt skirt, a strong jumper and a boot and I feel powerful. I feel personified.


Nowadays with the growth in the vocabulary, I would say I am fluid in my gender expression. Does that change the way I fill out forms or pronouns? No. But it helps to demystify who I am. That I’m not being an attention seeker, I’m being me.  


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