'You can't be what you can't see'
BUT I'm managing 

Grey's Anatomy 
Season 4 Ep 14
To Wong Foo, Thanks for
Everything! Julie Newmar
Kevin and Scotty
Brothers & Sisters

There's that saying that 'you can't be what you can't see' which I used to think about a lot last year when I was going through my old photos and content. One of the main reasons why I started a blog was that I didn't see anyone that I thought was similar to look up to and I wanted to change that. As someone who identifies as a Queer Asian, growing up I knew I was Asian, but it took me a while to understand my thoughts on gender and my sexuality. This led me into a deep dive reflection into what media shaped my sense or lack thereof identity growing up. Seeing is believing. 

Before the internet, all I had was classic television. No cable or extras, just your run of the mill television programming, watching together as a family or alone when you're sick at home for the day. My earliest memories of people that I could draw any type of similarity came from Trini the Yellow Ranger (which I eventually received as a toy with a matching costume) and martial arts actors like Jackie Chan and Jet Li. These were the only positive examples of Asian representation I remember. 

Finding Queer content, or it finding me was another story. I remember being single digits and stumbling across To Wong Foo, Thanks for Everything! Julie Newmar on tv as the midday movie. This was years before Drag Race was ever a thing (though RuPaul stars in it). There was a sense of fabulousness that this movie had and I didn't know why but I enjoyed it, and ironically I have only seen the film that one time. Other memorable Queer content came about when I was much older as a Teen and was struggling with my sexuality. You can have feelings sure, but how do you know if you haven't seen or experienced it? The island of a sexually repressed child. I found representation in Grey's Anatomy and their infamous gay soldiers storyline (tragic but beautiful) and Kevin and Scotty from Brothers & Sisters. Another way found inclusion was with my obsession with America's Next Top Model. The camp and fierce Miss Jay Alexander (whom I would meet in my 20's) was a free spirit, being unapologetically himself and it was amazing. 

So with all this pondering, what now? I think looking back it's crazy to see how limited my access was. Dare I say the most Asian Queer action I could have seen would have to have been of pornographic nature. Nowadays Asian Queer people are more visible with social media and the like, but in the media, across Film and Television, it is getting much better with shows like Euphoria, Genera+ion, Drag Race and Pose. Should there be more? Hell yes, but is it improving definitely. It's a crazy thought that if I were growing up now how would my sense of self been formed and how it would have changed my trajectory.

Trini the "Yellow Ranger"
Ironic much?
Jet Li... being Jet Li
Runway Diva Coach
Extraordinaire Jay Alexander