I consider myself a master of being cryptic. Coding a language to help express my true feelings, frustrations and fears. Coded for protection, it used to be therapeutic to communicate through this medium. I felt a sense of release and relief sharing because of the ambiguity of it all. There was once comfort with my cryptic messages married with nonchalant images of me posing on a street corner. A way to discuss without seeming unattractive or PSA-like.
I believe that there is a moment for all of us. A moment when the penny drops. Where reality hits close to home and the complicated layers life seem to collapse around you gain a profound sense of unapologetic clarity. For a while and I have mentioned this previously, I have been at odds with this online presence I worked hard to create. As a canvas I have used this blog and my platforms to share my interests, life and image; the magic formula I have used for the past 9 years. And heading towards year 10 as much as I want to celebrate this achievement I also want to catch up to where I am now as a person and share an aspect of my life that I have yet to discuss. And while I may not be 100% comfortable with this topic, I also feel a responsibility to contribute to this conversation. Whether it was to put forward more images of guys in skirts, or discussing ideas of life and sexuality, I feel like I can do more to share and hopefully help others. I started this blog because I felt alone for so many reasons, and now I want to continue to share to reach out so that someone like me doesn't feel completely alone out there.
Three years ago my penny dropped, and things just got thrown into the air. I was diagnosed with an autoimmune disease called Crohn's Disease. Not to go into the nitty-gritty detail, but this condition affects me on a daily basis. Stemming from inflammation throughout the digestive tract this disease affects both mind and body. On an upbeat note, I am lucky to have identified it early and am aware of my symptoms and such. By no means I am considered a High or Extreme case, however, as everyone is different it is hard to judge their experiences. Three years ago I took a step back, instead of being cryptic I was forced to stop. I slowed everything down unapologetically, and realistically to this day things are still a lot slower than before. I am still learning, as I am with life, but now three years into my diagnosis, I want to add this to my profile so that if anyone suffering the same or adjacent knows that they are not alone. In a world of vast knowledge and access, I've used the internet to feel okay. To see, watch and hear others to understand where I am at in the world; to know that it gets better. I am a work in process but now I put my hand up to say that I am proud of so many aspects that make me who I am, and this is now one of them. I am a Guy who identifies as Gay, who is in a relationship, who lives with an autoimmune disease, who has a cat and a loving network of close family and friends and this is my Life, my story.