MARTAN 2010 - 2019



                                                                                          


30.12.19

DIARY: 2019


                            

He wanted this year to be different, and boy it was

What happens when you stop and realize you've reached your Everest? 
When you buy that knock off to try it before committing to the real thing. Do you keep on going or change it up?

This year was a shift, though I am still searching for my 'pivot' from 2018. I am grateful for the challenges and lessons this year. Whether it was from work, personal or those life curveballs that etch a lesson. The need to be true still grows from the year before. To push these ideas closer to actualization in the new year I chose to resign from my job. A scary move, especially when you choose not to jump to something else after 5 years of climbing up. When I was younger I was petrified that I didn't know what I wanted to be when I grew up. And it took me years to come to the conclusion that managing a Brand would be a fun job, that I would enjoy it; the travel, the work. Cut to this year, in and amongst the blur of life I stopped and I was reminded by that very moment. It took me so long to realize that I had hit this goal, and yet I did not feel any sense of satisfaction or relief. It was more like a: 'oh, cool... next!' This is when I knew that I needed a change, knowing at the very least that you've got to wake up and feel that you are doing or in the right direction forwards the life you want. I am optimistic for change, I'm not sure why. False hope could be looming around the corner, but until then I'm excited to start it all again. Whatever that may be.

Years ago I mentioned in an 'end of the year post' that I felt like I developed a great deal of confidence. From that point, it sharply took a nosedive. From Anxiety, Fears and well Life. 2019 made me feel through a lot of it, confronting and unpacking, understanding like as the years go on so do the aptitude for all feelings and emotions. With age, you aim for comfort. That unease of the new or the risk is no longer exciting, you want to feel safe. Confidence became Solace, but I'm excited to grow it once again.   

At years end, it's fun to believe the optimism from holidays that each year has been the best, or that it is tying up well. I like to believe however that it's the messes and challenges we start at this time that allows us to push the envelope into the next year.  

With only a few days left in 2019, I want to thank you, the reader. Whether you stumbled or have been glancing over this blog I thank you. I wish you challenges and clarity in 2020.

F A C E B O O K  -  I N S T A G R A M  -  P I N T E R E S T  -  T W I T T E R  -  T U M B L R  -  Y O U T U B E

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